Should You Divorce with Children?
With almost half of the marriages in the U.S. ending in divorce, there are a lot of children who become afflicted with psychological, physical and social problems, which are almost entirely preventable. While you might have tried every avenue of trying to renew your relationship, went to marriage counseling or spoke with your religious adviser, sometimes there’s just no viable answer. Whatever the reasons, sometimes it’s better for every one concerned, including your children, to get a divorce and go your separate ways. When children hear or see their parents fighting all the time, they know you’re both unhappy and they become unhappy as well.
If you find you and your spouse simply cannot resolve your differences, there are a few things you must do to promote a positive outcome for your kids. Children of divorce commonly feel that the divorce is their fault. Unless you handle your divorce in an apparently amicable manner, at least in front of the children, you’re going to fuel a host of problems for the kids, both now and later.
It’s essential that both parents sit down with the kids and make it crystal clear that the situation is not their fault. Let them know that adults are capable of making mistakes, and that both you and your spouse are just no longer able to communicate or get along, due to mistakes on both sides. Perhaps you married too young, before you were psychologically prepared for marriage, or grew apart over the years, developing into your own adulthood, taking different directions. If this is the case, this might be appropriate to mention during your discussion. The most important element of your talk should be to eliminate the blame game. Never bad mouth your spouse to your children. Otherwise, children of divorce often take the blame on themselves, while others blame one parent or the other, leading to some serious problems that will follow them for years.
